Supporting a grieving friend is one of the most compassionate things you can do—but even with the best intentions, it's easy to make mistakes that can unintentionally cause more pain. This post outlines common missteps friends often make when trying to help someone who has lost a loved one, along with guidance on what to do instead.

1. Offering Clichés Instead of Comfort

Phrases like "They're in a better place" or "Time heals all wounds" can feel dismissive. These words often minimize someone's pain instead of helping.

What to do instead: Say, "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "I'm here for you." Even "I don’t know what to say, but I care" can be deeply comforting. Source

2. Trying to "Fix" Their Grief

Grief isn’t a problem to solve. Pushing someone to be positive or move on can make them feel unheard.

What to do instead: Just listen. Sit with them in their sadness without trying to change it. Source

3. Avoiding the Subject Altogether

Staying silent or avoiding the person who passed can make the grieving feel like their loved one is forgotten.

What to do instead: Mention their loved one’s name. Share a memory. It helps keep their memory alive. Source

4. Making It About Yourself

It’s natural to relate by sharing your own loss, but that can unintentionally shift the focus away from their pain.

What to do instead: Keep the space centered on them. Share only if it truly helps. Source

5. Offering Vague Help

"Let me know if you need anything" can feel like a burden to someone overwhelmed by grief.

What to do instead: Offer something specific: “I’m bringing over food Friday” or “I’ll walk your dog this week.” Source

6. Disappearing After the Funeral

Many people offer support early on, but grief lasts much longer than a few weeks.

What to do instead: Stay present. Keep checking in weeks and months later. Source

7. Judging Their Grieving Process

Grief isn’t linear. Comments like “You should be over this by now” can do real harm.

What to do instead: Respect their unique process. Be patient. Source